Its 4am

and I can't frickin' sleep.

I only have one thing on my mind.
I am so full of anxiety over it.

I try to stay calm,
But my heart just won't still.
Happiness and fear is what I feel.

Happy to know that I am not alone anymore.
Afraid that I will lose it.
I won't find another that is like this.
I don't want it to be a miss.

The wait is misery.
The thought of the outcome is agony.
I am suffering in silence, but it never felt so good.
I feel grateful to be alive to be able to feel the way I do.
It is like a curse and a blessing.