Went to have dinner with some friends from church today. The dinner event itself was to celebrate one of their birthday's organized by its special flavor of the... moment?
I was stoned the entire dinner because of the lack of sleep the night before. Of course I felt like an alien in that group for many reasons. I never fit in with most groups anyway, its just that this time it felt even more awkward, like I was not really welcomed there or because I was there, everybody was not really at ease. Ah well... Guess that will not happen again, because I will not show my face for such events anymore. Do not say I did not try. I am sorry, I just do not fit in with the 'normal' people.
I have no idea why I keep going back to the church which I said I would not again and again. I guess I somewhat was hoping that the entire scene would change, for the better. When I came back, everything was the same. Just like when I left months ago, just when I left for Australia, two years ago. Will there be any significant change in the people and the church for the better? I see some people still retaining their same behavior, the same everything. I feel numb. I feel odd. The place I grew up in, the place I once was loyal to, is growing stagnant and it looks as if it is slowly withering.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Lacklustre
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4 response[s]:
Hey, think of it this way:
1) Most important - going to church is for Him and Him alone.
2)Going to church is to worship Him and to keep your love for Him in your tempo/ beat/ rhythm for the others to follow. That is your specialty in that field. That is your talent for sacrifice to Him.
3) Going to church after a long while equals a form of forgiveness. A kind of forgiveness between you and your own thoughts towards others for what they have done to you in anyway.
4) Because of the above points, you need not care what others feel or think about you. You have the victory. Father sees that. For He is the judge.
5) As you have told me before, I am going to say the same for you - Father must have had a purpose for you there. Why else would you keep coming back to this church? There is a kind of mysterious feeling that only you can fathom. It's the relationship you have with Father in this church that keeps you coming back is what I would think.
Either way, glad that you are back doing your thang up there with the drums. Keep it up and continue to shine in your own way.
Oh one more point...
6) People don't change. Only yourself.
1. If it is for Him alone, why do I need to congregate?
2. What good is my talent if it is not appreciated?
3. I did not go back to church to forgive.
4. I went back to church because I did not care about what people thought about me.
5. Nope, sorry Father had said nothing to me.
6. I do change. It is their constant behavior that drives me away. I _will_ not put up with their shit.
Also, thanks for your being glad, but I shall not be returning until further notice ^_^
NOOoooo! WHHyyyy?!!
Ehehe...it's up to you really. But in anyway, don't ever think that you don't have friends there alright?
Till then see ya! ;)
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